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How to survive swinging as a single male

How to survive swinging as a single male

(submitted by a member of local swingers - thank you).



Ok, so you have joined a swinging site, therefore presumably what you are looking for are no strings attached sexual adventures?  Well this is the place to be, however if you are to be successful there are several things to bear in mind.


1.      The swinging lifestyle is dominated by couples, and

2.       It is ruled by women


This means that one of the most fundamental mistakes you can make is to assume one half of the couple does not exist.  Ignore them at your peril.  You will get on far better if you talk to both partners and understand that you are a guest in their relationship.  Be respectful to both and try hard not to jump into private saying just how many times a day you masturbate over their photographs…. well not unless you want to feel a fool, remember you don’t know to whom you are talking!  Additionally you are not there to replace anyone; you are there to compliment that which already exists.  It will be the female that has the final say on a male male female threesome, but she will not want her partner left out of the equation as this will cause tension for them.


The best way forward is to go into the chat room on a regular basis, avoid the temptation to advertise yourself thus: ‘male 32, large cock, wants fun now’.  It will usually be met with a stony wall of silence and/or ridicule, instead join the general chat.  It may seem daunting at first but persistence will be worth it, have a laugh with everyone there, let them get to know you and this way you will become more accepted.  Make no doubt about it, your life in swinging will not be an entirely easy one, you will find hostility and down right rudeness from some, but these fortunately are in the minority.  Make sure you stick to chat room rules, there is nothing more likely to secure your failure than acting an arse in there.


Be absolutely sure about what it is you want out of this and never ever mislead anyone.  Don’t be afraid to admit you are nervous and talk over any apprehensions you have either with friends or other swingers.  You will not be alone in your feelings…..most couples will recognise that you are at a distinct disadvantage as you are walking into an established relationship in order to have sex with one or more of the partners in it.  However if you feel uneasy at any time, simply say no thanks and walk away, do not let yourself get into situations where you feel you cannot cope, you are setting yourself up to fail.  And never ever play games…by this I mean do not allow yourself to get involved in marital disputes, relationship difficulties or any other emotional minefield, unless of course you flourish under such dangerous conditions.


Right so two of the most important things to look at are firstly your profile (the advertisement of yourself and your wide-ranging talents), and secondly how you contact people.  What is likely to make you stand out (pardon the pun) from the rest? 

A few pointers:

1.      Less is not more when setting yourself up, one sentence on your profile = idiot, not dark and mysterious alpha male.

2.      Show you have a sense of humour.

3.      Cock shots as photographs are all very well and good (light them from underneath boys it makes them look bigger).  However it can have the effect of making your crown jewels look like the last chicken left on the supermarket shelf, so try and put some face and body shots on too.

4.      And when mailing someone avoid the temptation for one liners ‘in your area today fancy a shag’, does not inspire women to fall at your feet.

5.      Neither is ‘so what are you looking for?’  Read their profile!


Neither your profile nor your messages have to be in essay format but please take some time to check that your spellings and grammar are correct, and that you have given them a modicum of information about yourself apart from your penis size and your ability to breathe through your ears.


Ok so you’ve now worked on your profile, go into the chat room regularly and have shown you are an all round Mr Nice Guy worthy of sexual ecstasy (or at the very least a chance at it)……how do you know that the couple or person you want to meet is too?  Well that’s the beauty of the chat room, it allows you to get to know people a little better, however you can always ask others (privately of course) for recommendations.


So let’s assume you have hit the jackpot and got a meet.  Now what?

Well let’s take a normal example.  You will arrange to meet the person or people in a hotel bar, have a few drinks together and a chat and then if all goes well, you will retire to the room to play.


1.      Before you go anywhere, make sure you know what their rules are and ensure you have articulated yours to them too.  These rules should remain fixed unless by mutual consent of all parties concerned.

2.      Ensure you have your own supply of condoms and use them!

3.      Offer to pay half the room cost (this will vary with the amount of travelling you have had to do).

4.      Ask if you are expected to stay the night.



1.      That they may be as nervous as you.

2.      That all men regardless of their testosterone levels, WILL, at some time, have ‘hydraulics’ problems, i.e. they will struggle to achieve or maintain an erection and may have difficulties ejaculating.  This is normal and temporary.




And finally…………..never ever wipe your dick on the curtains.


Have fun!



submitted by: member wishes to remain anonymous
Submitted on: 10th Sept 2003
Edited: No
comment: Thank you very much for submitting this well written article. Its much appreciated. Support.

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