So, you're a single guy at your first party?
After another storming party this weekend, it got me thinking about some of the right ways of doing things, and wrong ways of doing things. For a single guy going to his first ever party, the rights and wrongs can be a minefield so I thought I’d put together this little document and offer some advice and tips.
Please do remember that this is just the thoughts and opinions of one person, and is in no way representative of any particular venue’s specific rules.
And talking of rules, that is one of the first things you need to be
doing – finding out what the rules are for the party you are at – ask
your hosts, or look around, they may well be displayed throughout the
premises if you are at a club. They will clearly state what is and
isn’t allowed in the club, which can include anything from the use of
cameras and phones to what to do if you have a problem.
The Social side of things
There’s definitely a right way of going about behaving socially at a party. Putting it simply, be sociable.
Talk to people, introduce yourself and chat. Exactly like you might do
at a pub. A sense of humour is very important and a smile will go a
long way. It’s worth remembering that many couples or singles at a
party may not be interested in single males, but that doesn’t mean they
won’t happily chat with you – just work the small-talk angle, and don’t
fly straight in with questions about sex. You should also consider
that simply because you are talking to someone, it does not mean they
are going to play with you – take your time, and try and read the
The “what not to do” angle here is pretty much the opposite of
above. You won’t get very far if you lurk in the shadows and don’t
talk to anyone. The same is true if you pester people, or just follow
them around in the hope they will notice you – they certainly will
notice you, but for the wrong reasons and all that’s going to happen is
you’ll annoy them – or worse, you may end up making someone feel
uncomfortable, which will spoil their night. I don’t know about you,
but I wouldn’t want to be remembered as the guy that ruined someone’s
night by following them around and being slightly creepy.
General tips and observations
Just because a woman is at the party it does not mean she is going
to have sex with you, or even be interested in you. Be respectful at
If a woman is part of a couple, make an effort to talk to both of
them – A couple will make a decision together if they are considering
inviting a single male to play with them. One of the worst things you
can do here is ask a woman behind her partners back if she wants to
play. They’ll say no, then go tell their partner. By all means when
the time is right, let them both know you are interested and perhaps
give them time to think about it and talk it over together.
Don’t grab, don’t pinch, don’t fondle
– unless you have permission! The permission may not always be a
verbal thing, especially if you’ve moved well into the flirting stage
of conversation with someone – but again, at this point the signals
would have been pretty clear. I can’t say it clearly enough, you never touch a woman without their direct permission
and if in doubt, assume you don’t have it. Expect a strong reaction if
you break this rule, and you may be asked to leave by the party hosts.
You may see others doing different, but they will almost certainly know
each other, so don’t be tempted to do what you see. Ignore this rule
at your own peril.
Don’t drink too much – a staggering slurring drunk is not attractive
to anyone (with the possible exception of other staggering slurring
drunks). You need to be sober enough to make sure you stay on the
right side of the rules, and everyone can enjoy themselves.
Enjoy the view
As the evening progresses things tend to get going and chances are
you’ll be seeing some interesting sights before the night is over.
Some pointers to remember while you’re exploring the playrooms that are
open and in use by others:
Many couples and singles are quite happy to have an audience – some
thrive on it. There may even be rooms especially set aside for those
who like to show off a bit (if a door is locked that’s a pretty clear
signal they do not want an audience, so don’t knock). If you are
watching others playing, then remember your manners and be respectful.
Don’t stand right next to the bed. Positioning yourself like that
will not get you invited to join in, it will just irritate anyone
playing. Stand back, and just enjoy the view – It’s probably all it’s
ever going to be in that instance, something for you to watch and
Again – Don’t Touch! As before, ask for permission and otherwise assume you don’t have it.
To clarify some of those things in blunt terms. Standing as close
as you can to a woman who is playing does not mean she will reach up,
take hold of your cock and drag you onto the bed. Stroking her leg,
will not get you invited to join in – in fact, all you’ll end up doing
is ruining the mood for them, in which case they’ll stop playing,
leave, and everyone else in the room can blame you for it.
If you’re lucky enough to be invited to play with someone, there are few simple rules to follow:
Establish their boundaries – find out what is and isn’t acceptable
to them. The usual rule applies, if in doubt, assume no – and ask.
Use a condom – it will be assumed that you have some, although they
may also have condoms with them. Many venues will have somewhere where
you can get some (the bar, the reception area) so make sure you stock
Don’t “kiss and tell”. After the event, you’ll be expected to be
discrete – nobody wants to find out you’ve discussed the full details
of your session with the entire world. The rule of thumb here is keep
it to yourself – don’t tell others, and in most cases, others won’t
ask. Playtime is strictly between the people involved.
I think most of what I’ve written here is common sense, but I hope that some of you will find it useful.